i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize