Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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