He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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