i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
