im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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