You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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