this boner is exhausting
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
