ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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