I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Naked Twister starts at high noon
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
