I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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