The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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