You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
