Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize