Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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