Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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