hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize