idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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