I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
