2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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