So drunk, too bad you don't want this
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
