As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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