You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
