I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
please come you make the beer taste better
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
