i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
