a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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