I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
