You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
