You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
