If that was your dad, he is hot
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
