guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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