My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
sex in a hospital.. check
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
