Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
