my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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