Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
