I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
