do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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