I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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