my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're a waste of cheezeits
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
