I'm lost and stupid without you.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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