Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
