you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
