its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
