Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
