shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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