do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
