sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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