So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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