hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
