I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
