I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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