People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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