a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize