dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize