One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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