Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
