I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
