this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
