Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
