Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
