Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You were trust falling into bushes
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
