im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
