you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
