I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
