Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
