Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
