.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
