i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
my liver is dry heaving
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
