i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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