I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
