i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
