that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
