my mouth tastes like poor choices
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
