I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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