Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
