Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
