what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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