I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It's just like the Real World with babies
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
