I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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