it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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