Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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