I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize