apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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