come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
