Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
