So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize