He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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