I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
