i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
