he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
