New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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