She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
