So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
