Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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