This is not my ceiling
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
