I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
