You can't special order awesome
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm really busy with my period
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